- Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris is responsible for China’s over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
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